this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Someone shattered a urinal.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Oh god it's open bar.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
