I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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