What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
we should paint friendship bongs
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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