I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Small penises have feelings too.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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