Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
