you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
