Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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