My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
