I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I have tasted many bathrooms
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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