I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
