Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
