Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize