Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
