I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize