kristin has been a bad kristin
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize