I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
