OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I didn't shave. On purpose
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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