she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
