I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I need mimosas to revive my soul
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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