Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
