I wish I only lived at night.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
