remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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