i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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