I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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