i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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