...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
and you fell through a lawn chair
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
