What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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