told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
