The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
