Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
