it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
