Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
