I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Who did Billy Mays play for?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize