I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
