I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
