we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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