Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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