Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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