he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
