Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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