This girl is more easily done than said...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
