i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
