I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
