I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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