Betty ford says i'm here all night
Quick, to the slutcave!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
