I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
