Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
