I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
