I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
