you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
