Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
