I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
