I think my vagina is haunted
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
