Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
