Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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