I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I believe in your delicious
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
