I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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