GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
