You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
