I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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