I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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