So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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