i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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