He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
