there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
