I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
