I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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