She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
