One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
