oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize