I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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