Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
