why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
