these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
