Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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