I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
