the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Floor bacon is actually really good
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
