You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize