I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
