The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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