...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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